too stoned - ortega smoke report


New member

Both forearms rested on the glass table. Frozen. I toked all but 1/4 of the 1 gram + zig zag white, stuffed to the gills.

I died laughing, but could not move. For 5 minutes. Glued to the glass dining room table, I was glaring into the shine of the computer, beaming. The cats in the room were beaming. With 1 finger, I signed up for this site. It took 7 tries to join. Too stoned was all I could type, so that's me.

The herb just burned and burned for 5 minutes. I was paralyzed. Grown perfect (local grower) it trailed off for 5 minutes while I was too stoned to put it out or toke it, or move at all, really.

Old School Northern Lights. Light pine, NL taste.

But more complex. An immediate blast to the face, I REMEMBER THAT! The terps coming from the ignition. That first blast.

I haven't smelled that in 20 or 25 years at concerts. An old school boutique scent blasted the nose straight out of the pipe, easily taking me back 25 years.

I've smoked true Norther Lights since then, but none like this. I've smelled other people smoking it. This I remember smelling in the air at Pantera, White Zombie and Machine Head concerts in the mid 90's - late 90's in the midwest.

Back to Ortega.

You're going to sleep if you smoke this one. However, I got a different nug, and I just laughed and laughed out of wake and bake for about 2 hours while watching a Rodney Dangerfield movie and Police Academy, on two different occassions.

It just seems darker or heavier than classic NL in terms of making one want to sleep, whereas a good NL just puts you in a dream like state of pure relaxation for up to 6 hours. Ortega puts you out and makes you sleep deep.

This can put you straight to sleep with 2 bowls of the right nug. Even if you just woke up. I will wake up 6 hours later, twisted in a pretzel under the heavy blankets. Comfortable as can be. Probably waking up, because the Ortega is wearing off.

This is BY FAR! The best strain my local dispensary has had in 2 months. And I buy EVERYDAY! I probably drop $15 on an average day, every day. 7 days a week. More if it's edibles or otherwise.

As a grower, I can tell that whoever sold it to them took the time to grow all 18 plants and pick the best one.

Truly bomb stuff, and we ordered Medicine Man, so it's on the way. Ortega definitely went on the buy list. I'm sure I've already picked up 10 - 12 grams. Usually it's $12 a gram or 2 for $20, but one day I got 4 grams for $20. Because I'm always in and out.

My first true couch lock in years.

Buy a pack. Find the best. Smoke it. You'll like it.


New member
All that came close was Girl Scout Cookies. But c'mon, it tastes like animal crackers, or cookie dough. Smells and tastes like it too.

A stoney Blue Cheese funk with 50/50 true taste, a perfect selection of Kandy Kush and that's it. Those were locally in league with Ortega in the same shop.

I hope the local shop has Ortega again. I'm going to get my own supply, after I run a few other beans. Perfect for Northern Light lovers and medical patients.

It's a pain reliever in the sense that, you're going to pass out, so you won't feel the pain. 2 grams to the head, and I can't imagine you'd feel anything.

True research into potency. They've done a lot of the selection for you already.


Breeder and moderator

well it was a great testimony to read your experience with made me laugh and that is a good sign. Well done.

If ever you get to use a camera let us see a photo of a it is narcotic imo also.All the best Sb


New member
/Both forearms rested on the glass table. Frozen/:).Same with me .This lady is narcotic !!!!!taste is spicy/earthy.grow compact and havy. expected yield from 700-1000g/m2 ,super danse buds.


Site Moderator
Staff member
There is no exaggeration in the statements made above. This stuff is knock-me-out-right-now narcotic! One of the easiest grows for me. Feed and leave alone. Minimal mold, repelled bugs very well and NO hermis that everyone? seems to be jumpy about. Six plants that yielded much better than the 98-Bubba growing next to it. IMO, more toxic too. Best part is it does what it's supposed to do bring pain relief and sleep. Not overly smelly. Sizewise- great ID plant!
How can I give a good smoke report when after 2-3 hits I find myself completely immobilized wondering how I am going to make it to bed or should I just bunk on the couch for a few minutes (yeah right haha) It don't work that way braddahs. Like a soft evening breeze, sleeping well and no hangover! Recommended you try out braddahs.